Is there anything you could do to be a better partner, a better parent, a better friend, a better son or daughter? If you’re like most people, the answer is “Yes. Of course there is.”
Sorry if I’m putting you on the spot with this question, but if you know that’s there’s something you could be doing to improve your relationships, why aren’t you doing it?
Well, the answer is simple. You’re human! And although we humans are good at knowing what we could do and good at deciding what we should do, we’re not so good at actually following through and doing what we know we should do to make things better for ourselves and the others we care about.
Knowing what you could do and should do isn’t enough
Suppose you’ve concluded that you could and should do a better job of listening to your partner. You recognize that you’re usually too quick to assume – often wrongly — that you know what’s coming next, so you jump in while your partner is still speaking. You’ve decided that from now on you’re going to listen attentively to everything your partner has to say and refrain from speaking until your partner is clearly done and ready for you to respond.
“I can do this,” you tell yourself.
However, although you certainly can do it, there’s a good chance you won’t. That’s because while continuing to do the wrong thing comes automatically, doing the right thing — what you’ve intelligently decided you should do to make your relationship better — requires deliberate concentration and effort. So, whenever there’s a contest between continuing to do the wrong thing automatically vs. doing the right thing manually, the odds are against you doing the right thing.
Follow through strategies to the rescue
So, how can you beat the odds and actually start doing what you’ve intelligently decided you should do?
The answer is this: Use the same follow through strategies it takes to position any other good intentions for success.
At the very least, that will include using Spotlighting to make sure that your attention will be focused on doing the right thing. It may also include a strategy like Creating Compelling Reasons to maximize your motivation to overcome your inclination to do the wrong thing.
The bottom line
The first step to take in making any relationship better is to recognize that knowing and deciding what you could do and should do probably won’t be enough to make you do it. Like it or not, as always, you’ll need to use follow through strategies to position your good intentions for success.
You can learn about Spotlighting, Creating Compelling Reasons, and other follow through strategies in the Follow Through Strategies course available to members enrolled in the Follow Through Master program.